it’s only happened one time before. And this time, just as the last time, I did not know quite how to respond. To someone noticing my fracture boot on my left foot and offering me their seat on the train. Each time I was so moved by the offer. So moved that I had to decline because I thought each of these people (who happened to be women) deserved the seat far more than I. Because I wonder if I would have done the same if the boot were on the other foot. I mean the other foot of the other person. Would I have been aware enough and compassionate enough? I cannot say yes, with any certainty or no with any certainty.

And I can’t say with any certainty that declining the 2 kind offers and allowing the 2 women to stay in their seats was an act of compassion, unworthiness, or just not being prepared to accept kindness.

I have to figure out what to do about that.