today i feel so much lighter, for some reason, with my old city behind me. and a new life waiting to emerge, even if it’s a replica of the old life, in a different time zone.
a 2nd date with D who I met on Saturday. She asked me to meet her at a choral concert at the church at Harvard Yard. We arrived separately just before it started and took a bench at pew 33. Out of nowhere, she asked me if I had ever been married. “um… no.” And then she asked, “have you gotten close to getting married?” and i said, well sort of. but the music started before i had the chance to add “in the metaphorical sense”
after the concert, i asked if she wanted to go somewhere for tea.
she said, no, she wanted to go straight home.
and then she said, i feel like i should say yes, to be polite but i just want to go home.
and I said, you don’t have to be polite
and we stood there vacantly.
then she asked, why did you move to Boston in January?
I told her that i would have arrived early, but i had to tie things up at my previous job.
i did not think to mention that i stayed in Chicago to be there for my friend, also named D, in her final weeks of life before succumbing all too soon to cancer. i had promised D that I would not leave before she left this realm. And it meant so much that i could fulfill this vow.
But i did not disclose this to the other D.
i offered her a ride home, and she declined.
i offered to walk her to the bus, and she declined.
she was going to walk home, 4 miles in sub-zero weather.
she put on her face mask. and walked away.
i think that may have been it.
i got the sense that she did not want to be in presence for even one second longer. which even to me, made no sense since she had invited me to the concert.
maybe i gave the wrong answer to the marriage question.
but what is the correct answer?