if i ruled the world, stress would be eradicated. Stress causers would be evaporated.
the stress has been mounting all week. i can’t pretend it isn’t there. because it’s there.
people at my job have been so mean to each other. and their meanness kind of gets to me. gets to me in a stressed out kind of way. and then i become mean. i become this other person I can barely recognize. i could handle these people’s meanness, but when i notice it is i who am becoming mean, it’s time for me keep in mind that what I should be doing is breathing.
actually, that isn’t entirely true… what i wrote in the paragraph above. the part where i said i could handle these people’s meanness. i wish it were true. The truth is that I can barely stomach the meanness. I cringe. I cower beneath the weight.
so i find myself in a situation where i have no choice but to be completely truthful with you. yet since i’ve become this other person i do not recognize, i can’t really tell if i am being truthful or not. who knows who i am anymore?
i could say it’s not me. it’s not my voice. it’s the stress that’s speaking and i am just transcribing. and it’s not even my stress. but that doesn’t mean i am deflecting responsibility. at least not entirely