i saw this doctor yesterday to see if there was anything that could be done about the tinnitus that has plagued me for 18 years, starting at a Wilco concert at a small club in Seattle and ringing on and off ever since.

the doctor ran a CT scan and told me afterwards that everything looked normal. Tinnitus remains as much a mystery as it ever was. Perhaps the teacher at the Buddhist meditation center had it correctly when she told me that the ringing in my ears was really the voices of angels. And yet… And yet… I’ve never been too certain of that. if angels really are the source, must there voices be so high-pitched and monotonous? there’s nothing at all melodic or harmonious about them.

today the doctor called me with new information that she had not seen in the complete CT scan report. there is a mystery nodule on my lung that may not be an early sign of cancer. and some strangeness in my blood vessels around my brain may not be an early sign of an aneurysm. And these are things to be monitored yearly,  but i should not feel anxious about them. yet.

And then she sent me her clinical notes, in which she described me as a mildly anxious person.