how can i instigate change, amidst such stuckness? maybe not stuckness itself, but the fear of stuckness. i have to come up with a new plan. for a while now, i’ve taken the strategy of setting things in motion myself…  and then hoping that the things i am setting in motion will align with the right people in the right places at the right moments. and maybe this will happen, but i guess i have to be patient. which means waiting. i have been waiting a very very long time. so long, i wonder what it would be like to not be waiting. maybe i don’t know what not waiting feels like.

maybe it’s not even about waiting. maybe it’s more about adapting to existing circumstances. but what if that adaptation does not occur? maybe i have an unwillingness to adapt, and this is what keeps me waiting, and that is what keeps me stuck. i don’t really want to wait anymore, but i don’t want to surrender the hopes i am waiting for.