i felt so duplicitous today. it’s true. i’ve been dreading the next Employee Appreciation Day ever since last January’s Employee Appreciation Event/Bowling Party… the one where the fundamentalist Christian animation instructor (who had just completed his first feature film, an animated version of the new testament)  engaged me in conversation to ask if I was a Christian, then asked me if I was agnostic, and then asked me if i was “one of god’s chosen people.” i can’t remember if i blogged about that or not. but i’ve been hoping against all hopes that i would be employed elsewhere before the next party came around.  i guess i have not have found that elsewhere just yet.

so it’s on Tuesday… and it’s a party on a boat. and i imagine i would be noticed if i jumped off, even if i swam under the boat, never coming to the surface until i was safely ashore. so i’ve resigned myself to being there and somehow staying afloat. even though i’ve gotten so much better at swimming this week. it would be so totally tempting.

but then, just yesterday, along comes skin cancer–and with it, my doctor’s instructions to stay out of the sun. i really wanted to keep this whole thing private, between you, dear reader, and me. but the thought of adding sun exposure anxiety to social anxiety was too much to bear. and then i’ll have all of these medical appointments during work works i will to explain–and i’ve probably already ignited enough suspicion with other absences, or so i imagine.

i really didn’t know how to skirt around the issue so i emailed my boss:

Dear P____,

I just wanted to let you know that i will not be able to attend Employee Appreciation Day because I have come down with skin cancer and am under doctor’s orders to avoid exposure to the sun at all costs [in actuality, i was simply instructed to wear a hat].

Thank you for your understanding. And have a great weekend!

It just seemed like my only choice was to tell her. but i still felt kind of conniving because i was secretly happy to have this unquestionable excuse to not be on a boat for 4 hours, which would be different story if there people there whom I could actually relate to,  such as you, dear reader.

i know this skin thing is really common and not at all a big deal, especially since it is apparently safe enough to wait more than a month for them to schedule “procedure.” but it does not help when they tell you to keep an eye on it in case anything changes. to which i could only reply, “um… ” and then forget the question i had meant to ask before hanging up. i am on orange alert. it’s weird knowing that there’s something strange there, hopefully not growing