i had such trepidation about awakening today with so many trepitditious things ahead. So many instances that would require me to assert myself in ways that go against my grain. So I lay there in bed, awake for 3 hours or so, until I realized that not attending to things i would prefer not to attend to was not very restful, nor was it helping me hide as much from them as i would have liked.

but the being awake part didn’t really work out too well, because there are so many degrees of awakefulness. and i never achieved the truly awake degree of awake.

it’s interesting how one person can always be there for you, no matter how difficult the circumstances. And how one person can passively watch as you slowly sink. And how sometimes one person can have the qualities of both.

people are complex. Or as my friend W likes to say, people are strange motherfuckers.