another day of fending off panic. i wish i could be better at it.

so many uncertainties

such lack of clarity

i’m not sure if i smiled once today

maybe one smile at the cashier who asked me if i was able to find everything  i was looking for.

The word “Julie” was printed on her name tag. She had just returned from vacation in Maine very late last night and went from the airport straight to work, and she was exhausted.

I wanted to hear more about Maine, but others were waiting in line for her attention

and I forgot to say goodbye, i just realized

i’m trying to think of the previous time i smiled.

i think it was 24 hours ago when my niece skyped me from a city in mainland China whose name I can’t seem to remember.

but neither of us likes to skype with cameras

anyway, it feels like a long time

i’m also feeling very guilty tonight about my bathroom sink. I have been waiting for days for the maintenance guy in my building to unclog it. And the water just kept rising higher and higher, and I was about to drown… and still no maintenance guy…. and I panicked, and ended up pouring a bottle of Drano into it, which is a horrible thing to do, but it actually worked… my confession for the day. please forgive me, if you are out there.

Goodbye, “Julie”