it turns out that avoiding and resisting may sometimes be advantageous in the sense of giving me more time to gather information about what i may be avoiding… after all, i’m an information gatherer…

whether my avoidance is really attuned with sharply-honed and astute instincts… or mere trappings of fear and delusion, I do not know.  how can I tell if I am avoiding or simply stalling for options that I would gladly embrace?

but i think when i avoid, it has a chain reaction, and I gradually find that any move I can make, this way or that, has some element of something to avoid. there’s always something to avoid, but it feels much harder than finding something to embrace. although tonight I seem to be embracing a bag of raw almonds a little too closely.

yet I am grateful to have more time for nothing happening at all, which makes me feel as if I am avoiding less, but not necessarily embracing more… except embracing hope that situations will arise around me where i can avoid avoidance and embrace embracing.