a day unremarkable enough to write nothing about, but i don’t want to fall into the bad habit of not writing at all. but really, if you happen to be reading this, i would be grateful to you for setting your eyes elsewhere. imagined reader. there are far more enchanting places to go.
i can say i am grateful for being spared the indignities i had considered as possibilities that might arise today, and how i would respond to such slights and indignities. if there might be another option besides flight because i cannot fathom a fight. but flight… now that is something I can strive toward.
i guess I am a pacifist, but the above paragraph was not any expression of any pacifist ideal… unless self-preservation is a pacifist ideal. i just cannot find fight in my nature. but i like to think I am capable of it, when necessary, at least to protect beings i care about from harm. but fight, as a way for me to get somewhere, to get some thing (like attention or approval)… well, it hasn’t worked out so far. it’s not in my repertoire.
i guess i have fought for my survival, I’ve been told, although I have yet to realize it. i have looked at this from a reverse angle. I have fought against my demise. and when I think in those terms, it’s a daily battle. but a very mundane one. there’s nothing extraordinary about it and there’s nothing disgraceful about it. i am here and i am glad of it.