Author Archives: The Lost Pedestrian

The thought of you on another train on Christmas Day in 2018. A solitary resident of the Quiet Car. But it was never your intent to be so quiet. It was never your intent to be alone. Never your intent … Continue reading →

Sometimes I feel like my neediness will swallow the world and there will be nothing left but shadows of crumbs. And then my neediness will sweep those up, too.

It was freezing today. Not outside. But inside. I couldn’t do anything. I started out with good intentions. Well maybe not that good, but definitely intentions. I thought I would venture out to one of the 2 new ‘recreational’ marijuana … Continue reading →

I was just thinking about the vanishing point and how I may have stumbled beyond it. And it’s scary to think of how resigned I am becoming to that fate. It’s beyond my control. I can’t get a handle on … Continue reading →

On the train home from the holiday party (the theme was “Havana Night”) at work where I endured and apparently survived an hour and a half of awkward meandering around people I see everyday but have never spoken to and … Continue reading →

3 years. 3 years of what? 3 years of something. 3 years of knowing less and less than I did the previous 3 years Although aging seems to be objectively speaking undeniable But it’s all a blur. A meandering, mercurial … Continue reading →

I feel like I owe the world an apology. I know I am supposed to stop apologizing but I am trying to figure out how to handle the shame and embarrassment I feel over things I have said or done … Continue reading →

I saw this guy walking outside the train station, gazing down at the sidewalk. Murmuring (to himself, I think), “Fuck! Fuck! God dammit! Fuck! Fucking shit! Fuck!” I wanted to ask what was troubling him. But I was a little … Continue reading →

Why is it so much easier to react to things than to be the one who causes a reaction? If I had a nickel for every time someone asked me that question, I would be a very rich person indeed. … Continue reading →

Thoughts after the Brett Kavanaugh confirmation: Things are really catching up with me and I’m not sure if I can adapt to them. At my workplace, there was a 401(k) meeting and the 401(k) consultants or whatever they are called … Continue reading →

I’m doing a terrible job of making time stand still. And I’m not quite sure what to do about that. It’s a real problem. A real problem. I guess this is what happens to people. People like me. People who … Continue reading →

I’ve said it before and I guess I have to say it again. I’m really tired. So so tired. It’s been a foggy foggy week. Strung out on Aleve and Advil PM and Tylenol (back strain from cleaning my car … Continue reading →

I just discovered that one of my friends is a reader of this blog, which puts a whole new spin on what I write. I’m not sure what that spin will be, how much to reveal, how much to hide, … Continue reading →

I’m jotting this down here, just so that I don’t lose it. Like a mouse clinging onto a drowning tree More lyrics to come.

So… I managed to make it through my colonoscopy. The gastroenterologist told me that it went well, that there were no abnormalities. At least not in my colon. I didn’t ask if she found abnormalities elsewhere. And she didn’t say … Continue reading →